At MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) the other day, my group of ladies and I were discussing the comparison game in the mom world. In a world full of half truths on social media (and on most blogs), it's easy to think other moms have it perfect and aren't a mess sometimes. It's so easy to look at someone else's life and compare and put pressure on yourself to do motherhood a certain way. And on top of picture perfect lives on social media, we also live in a world where opinions are floating around far too aggressively. When it comes to parenting and motherhood there are opinions on everythinggg. Oh ya, from the time you become pregnant it's like you become a target for questions on what type of mom you'll be and what parenting "style" you'll adopt. With all of that it's easy to beat yourself up as a mother and attach guilt to almost everything you do. I was starting to wonder if I was the only one feeling this way until the women in my MOPS group and I were having that conversation, then it became clear as day that no matter what parenting "style" you go with... parenting is HARD. It's filled with ups and downs and lots of chaos. And that seems to be normal, I now understand that it's "part of the deal". There are no parents that experience zero mess, zero chaos and everything is perfect all of the time, it simply doesn't exist. Our jobs as parents is to find all of the beauty in the chaotic mess.
Lets chat more on the topic of Mommy Guilt. Wow it's real. Mommy Guilt is such a thing, and even with a three month old baby, I've already experienced it a ton. I truly believe if we shared more of our #reallife mommy moments with each other than we wouldn't feel so much guilt and shame as we go through motherhood. Being a mom is filled with the most amazing moments, moments that bring so much joy and moments that make your heart feel like it'll explode with love. But with that comes some truly difficult and trying times too, times that'll make you question if you are cut out for this mommy thing. Or is that just me?...
Well I'm gonna go ahead and be super transparent here and share some of my most embarrassing, silly, messy mommy moments with you all, just for the purpose of the slight chance that you can relate, it might make you feel a bit less guilt and a bit more understood.
*Don't worry, as you read this you are laughing with me not at me.
1. I didn't start driving alone with my baby in the car until he was over 11 weeks.
Worry much?... Yep that's me, a total nut job of a mommy. The truth is I wasn't comfortable driving with him in the back all by himself for fear of too many things (things that probably don't happen very often). Fear that he'd permanently damage his neck since it seemed so hunched forward when he fell asleep. Fear that he'd somehow choke and die. Fear that he'd randomly stop breathing (when he was a newborn). Fear that he'd have a total meltdown and I wouldn't be there to make him feel better. I know I'm cray! And I also know that with my second kid I probably won't be this way, because Giulian is just fine lol.
2. Tonight I drank wine out of a ninja turtle coffee mug.
I'm pretty sure that's what inspired this post. I looked down at my coffee mug filled with chardonnay (surprisingly not out of a box), my crazy hair, my makeup-less face, and my messy house and thought to myself... wow, I hope I'm not the only new mom that is a total mess. So, I grabbed my phone and started writing out some mom-fessions in the notes section. It didn't take long to get to 15.
3. I've cried in the shower multiple times since my son has been born.
Okay, pathetic I know, but sometimes you've just gotta let it out. Being a mom is hard, and I mean really hard. It's non stop 24/7 (especially when your baby hates naps and doesn't like to sleep tons at night either), so to be fair the shower seems like the only alone time I get. It doesn't always go uninterrupted by baby, but I have a better shot at some quiet time in there than anywhere else.
4. I like washing my hair a whole lot more now than I did before baby.
We don't realize how spoiled we are pre-kids. Before, my attitude on washing my hair was ugh it takes so long, I hate blow drying my hair, and I'd rather just use dry shampoo. Now my perspective on washing my hair is OMG yay I feel so clean and fresh, when was the last time I got to wash my hair? Now I don't smell like baby spit up!
5. We celebrate when our son poops.
For a while there Giulian was having some tummy issues (it's a bit better now), he is overall so much happier when he poops a few times a day. I mean who isn't happier when they are regular? So in our house we celebrate when he is pooping, and oh my goodness Giulian gets excited too!
6. I've dropped my phone on our baby's head.
Horrible I know! I was FaceTiming Nick while he was away on business and trying to show him our little guy. Well, my phone slipped and fell on his head. It was seriously so sad! Now I hold my phone extra tight haha.
7. His bassinet is currently acting as a laundry basket.
When Giulian isn't napping I literally feel like he is glued to me and I can't get much of anything done. So yes, sometimes all the laundry isn't folded. And yes I throw the clean unfolded laundry in Giulian's (super expensive) bassinet.
8. On the laundry theme: I'm typically "on top" of the laundry only because my baby has blowouts all the time and I'm forced to start another load of laundry.
Haha omg when I type these things out I just laugh out loud, mom life is hilarious. But heck it's totally the truth. Even if I wanted to skip laundry day, I am forced to start that washing machine because no way am I leaving a poopy outfit out.
9. I have breastfed and drank wine simultaneously.
Okay if you are judging, please don't lol. We were at a wedding, I was having ONE glass of wine but then Giulian was crying so I went out to the car to feed him. Nick brought me my glass of wine and I was like well heck what's the difference if I drink it 15 min before he eats or during. Nick and I found it hilarious so he snapped a pic of it. And now I'm praying this post doesn't go viral from judgmental mommies that have too much to say. But my job is to be transparent with y'all so here ya go...
*Don't worry I would NEVER drink and drive. We were just nursing in the car because the there wasn't many private places to nurse at the wedding venue.
10. We frantically took Giulian to the ER at 4am his first week of life.
We've settled into parenthood a bit, but the first while we were such worriers. We thought he wasn't breathing good enough while he slept so we rushed to the ER. He was breathing fine and the doctors there were so sweet and could tell we were worried first time parents. I'm so grateful that he's healthy and we can now laugh at this story.
11. I've said, I'm done having kids and I want four kids in the same day. #BipolarMuch
Motherhood is so up and down, and when things are super tough I claim to not want more kids. I'm like okay Giulian is perfect, let's stop now. But then I think about the fact that he needs to be a big brother one day and I want a big family and I'm right back to "I want four kids".
12. My baby is 3 1/2 months old and currently has one level of cry... The Meltdown.
Giulian goes from 0 to 100 real quick. He'll be smiling and giggling one moment and then hysterical the next. We just went to Mexico and I'm pretty sure he had on average about 4 meltdowns per day. I'm hoping this will pass, because a little whimper would work just fine.
13. Sometimes I vacuum just to get my baby to fall asleep.
He loves the vacuum, which is nice because it's a chore that isn't difficult to get done with him. I just put him in the baby carrier and vacuum. By the time I get to the last room of the house he's usually always asleep, it's so precious!
14. I cried in the bathroom stall my first time at MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers).
I know at this point you think I'm a cry baby, which I am starting to think that too, but I'm telling you the sleep deprivation and hormones are getting the best of me. So the best thing to do is just laugh at myself and make light of everything in this season of life. It was a rough morning and when I got to MOPS I just lost it. So instead of crying in front of all these women I had just met, I ran to the bathroom with my crying baby and just cried it out for a bit.
15. I am currently losing my hair + I already have grey hair.
Sexy I know. When I got pregnant I started getting grey hair, and a decent amount of it. Good thing my mom is a hairdresser and can cover that problem, I'm only 28 years old so I'm not ready to embrace that part of aging yet. And recently (about 3 months postpartum) I started losing my hair. My best friend warned me of this. Her baby girl is one year old now and she's just starting to grow her hair back, she literally lost chunks. When she told me about that side effect of motherhood, I really didn't think it'd happen to me, I have extremely thick hair and couldn't fathom losing lots of it. Well, silly me for thinking I was exempt from that because it's started. My hair is coming out at a rapid rate. Not the normal "I'm shedding" type of hair loss but much faster. Oh well, it'll grow back, but in the meantime- Thank You Hormones.
To be honest, I could come up with far more Mom-fessions, but we will end at 15 for now. Maybe this will be a quarterly post, because Lord knows I'll do at least 60 silly mom things per year. I hope that reading this post gave you a good laugh and allowed you to take a deep breath and remember that no mother is perfect, and we all are just trying to do our best as parents. Perfection does not exist anywhere in life, especially motherhood. So let's (telling myself) all give ourselves some grace and remember that God chose us to be parents and he will give us the strength and the knowledge we need to be the best parents we can be. I'm so grateful for my blog and the ability to connect with women, mommies, all around the world who are going through similar things and I hope and pray that I can (through my realness) provide some comfort as you all are embarking on this journey.
Comment below with your best #RealTalk mommy story, I'd love to hear your Mom-fessions.