10 Lessons I've Learned In The Last 10 Years, Cheers To The Next Decade
I honestly can’t believe it’s been 10 years since 2010. In 2010 I was in college studying nursing and pursuing a career I knew in my heart I hated and wasn’t for me. Nick and I were still dating back then (high school sweethearts) and were navigating our new life in college together. It’s amazing to think back to those kids, we were completely different people back then. Think about it, this last decade for us was all of our 20’s which is a very huge transitional time in a person’s life. It’s when you figure out who you are, what you want and what you want to do. In the last ten years we’ve started and built businesses, gotten married, started traveling a lot, became parents, and more. So much of who I am today is because of the experiences I’ve had in the last decade. I thought it’d be fun to chat about some of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in the last 10 years, let’s go.
1 . Tough times are a chance to build your character.
We’ve had plenty of struggle, challenges and tough times through the last decade. Whether it be in our relationship, in business, failures, finances, family challenges, etc, we’ve been through some stuff. As I look back at our toughest times in the last decade, I can honestly say we’ve come out on the other end stronger. When you’re in the “thick of it” it feels like your current situation will never pass, but seasons always come and go. As the great Kelly Clarkson once said, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger… okay cheesy I know lol but it’s true. If you can push through each situation, keep the faith, find blessings in each struggle, look for ways to learn and grow from the situations you’re in… you’ll absolutely come out on the other side of it stronger and with better character.
2. Self Help Isn’t For “Those People”, It Should Be For ALL People.
I’m so grateful that when we got into business we were introduced to the world of self help and personal development. It’s truly changed our lives. From seminars to books and podcasts, we have really committed to personal development over the last ten years. Nick and I truly feel that the only thing you can control in life is WHO you are are a person. I’ve especially seen this to be true in the last 3 years, life has thrown some curve balls our way but through it all we tried to just focus on making ourselves better and finding peace in that we can control the type of person we want to be. It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you react to what happens to you that defines your character. I’ve got a lotttt of work to do, in fact there’s never an arrival point. Personal development is about committing to constant improvement, learning, adjusting, growing and being open to changing for the better. There are still so many books I haven’t read, truly I’ve got a lifetime of books on my list that I still haven’t gotten to yet, but that’s exciting. It’s nice to know in life that you can be more, learn more and there’s always another level to develop yourself to. This year, 2020, one of my goals is to listen to one podcast episode per day (something educational) and read 6 new books. I know 6 books doesn’t sound like a ton, however that’s allowing two months per book, for me and my lifestyle that’s reasonable. I have two parenting books picked out, two business books and two faith focused books, and on top of that of course making time for the main personal development book, the Bible. Really all the best self help books out there have philosophies that are straight from the Bible.
If you’ve never read any personal development, here are a few of my favorite teachers and authors for you to look into. John Maxwell, Jim Rohn, Napoleon Hill, Tony Robbins and Dale Carnegie. If you’re a woman looking to learn from other women, there have been a ton of amazing, powerful authors pop up in the last decade. Some of my favorites are Rachel Hollis, Elizabeth Gilbert, Jen Sincero, and Joyce Meyer.
3. If People Are Toxic For Your life, You Must Limit Or Eliminate Them.
I’m not talking about someone annoying you in an unintentional, innocent way or even someone being a slightly negative person and despite them being family you shun them. I truly believe we have to give people grace. However, there are some people who are just plain toxic, adding zero value to your life while draining you and sucking the joy from you every time you’re around them. Those people don’t deserve your time, and sometimes that’s a hard fact. Life is short and we should be spending our time with people who are a good influence, life giving and a joy to be around.
4. Life Begins At The End Of Your Comfort Zone.
In high school I would sneak away to the bathroom because it was my turn to read to the class. Despite working so hard to get A’s, I would take a bad grade if it meant I had to read my paper in front of the classroom. I had a debilitating fear of reading in front of people and public speaking. Now, ask me to speak in front of a few hundred people and I’ll say yes. I’ll be scared, but I’ll do it and truthfully I’ll love it. You really do grow the most when you face your fears head on. When you’re willing to say, I’m okay if I’m scared or if I suck at something at first, and do it anyways… that’s when you’ll live the fullest life. I was scared to start a blog, “what will people think?”, “will anyone read it?”. I’m so grateful I pushed through those fears because today blogging is one of my greatest passions and brings me so much joy.
What are you scared of? What is something that makes you extremely uncomfortable but would add a lot of value to your life? Maybe give it a whirl in 2020!
5. Forgiveness Is For Your Soul Not For Theirs.
Thanks Dad. Over the last decade, my relationship with my Dad has been a roller coaster, and it wound up that he is one of those toxic people that I mentioned before. Unfortunately because of things he’s done and who he is, I cannot have him in my life and I do not want my kids to know or meet him. He’s done terrible things, things I’m not even legally allowed to talk about on my blog. I’ve had to forgive him for those things for ME. For my happiness, my peace. Forgiveness is a work in progress, a journey and something I’ll consistently have to work on, but it’s necessary. It’s possible to forgive the people who hurt you most, and let it go so you have peace.
6. Life Is Not Black And White.
Would you say it’s true that good people do bad things and bad people do good things. If life was only black and white, bad people would only do bad things and good people would only do good things. My husband is one of the best people on earth, and he’s done things that are not so great. I like to think of myself as a good person, and I’ve done things I’m not proud of. So maybe there is grey space, space that needs forgiveness. The grey area is because we are all human and imperfect, the only perfect is God. As our church would say, we are all imperfect people pursuing a perfect God.
7. Your True Character Shows Through When Things Aren’t “Perfect”.
It’s easy to be positive when all is going well, but can you stay positive when negative is happening in your life. Are you only an optimistic person when it’s rainbows and butterflies? This is a lesson that keeps me in check all the time, because truth is that if things aren’t perfect I have a tendency to get stressed, worries and lose faith. Focusing on the peace of Jesus Christ helps so much with this.
8. Your “Daddy Issues” Don’t Define You.
Well I could write a whole novel on this lesson. I have a shitty dad, he really messed up in just about every area you could imagine in life (not worth writing about). But you know what, how he acts is in zero way an excuse for how I should act. Watching him do life wrong is a wonderful example of how I should do life right. Period.
9. Being a parent is the biggest blessing in life.
There’s not a day that goes by now that I am not in awe of my son. He lights up our life and brings joy to Nick and I that would never knew possible. There are no words to even describe how deep our love is for our little boy. As I’m typing this he is taking a nap right across from me on the couch. I could stare at those long brown eyelashes, those red pouty lips, and that sweet little face all day long. He makes me a better person every single day. He pushes me closer to Christ, makes me want to be a more kind and loving person, motivates me work harder, and reminds me to laugh and seek joy.
10. Marriage is work. And worth it.
Half way through the last decade, I married Nick. Greatest decision of my life. He’s sweet, funny, handsome, hard working, willing to grow and makes darn good looking kids. I’d say we have a wonderful marriage, but even the best marriages need work. Even the strongest relationships aren’t always easy. We’ve had some hard times and a few years prior to getting married we almost split up. But we both have a commitment to working hard on our marriage so that we get stronger through each low point. For us that looks like reading relationship books, attending church together, attending relationship seminars, doing group counseling classes at the church, listening to podcasts (currently the love and respect podcast), date nights, communicating, saying sorry, etc. We have been together for 15 years and through it all we’ve always been willing to work through each issue and get stronger. When you’re in the mess of a tough season in your relationship, it feels like it’ll never get better, but that’s just not the case. With hard work and good communication I think any issue is solvable.
I’m grateful I wasn’t blindsided by this whole “marriage is work” thing. My grandparents have been together over 60 years and have such a great marriage, they’re seriously adorable. I’ve been alive for 1/2 their marriage and as long as I’ve known them they’ve seemed to have the “perfect” marriage. But my Grandma always told me about all the work they had to do in the early years to get to the strong place they’re at now, she has told me countless times about the time they almost split up early in their marriage and the lessons they learned through that. She’s always let me know that a good marriage takes work, but it’s worth it.
Still here? I know this was a long post, but I’m so grateful to be able to share my lessons along the way. I know this next decade will be filled with so much more learning and growing. I can’t believe that at the end of this next decade I’ll be 40, Giulian will be almost 13 (heart attack) and life will have changed in so many ways. I’m praying for massive blessings in 2020 and this next decade, for my family and yours.
Thanks for reading along! Comment below if you’d like to share a lesson you learned in the past decade.
